What did I learn this week?

One again!

Hard to believe that we have yet another baby who has passed the one year mark. The first year with C really seemed like a year. The first year with W has flown by incredibly fast. I think probably because I have been so much busier looking after two rather than just one.

It is interesting because I know there are a lot of people who think that since my mom and dad live with us, that things must be so much easier. Some things most certainly are. Cooking for one. Dinner gets made by my mom during the week, which is absolutely the greatest thing. But other things are just as hard. I still feel like I am not giving enough to either of my kids, because I still only have 100% to give, and it gets divided accordingly.

Just as when C turned one, W still seems like a baby to me. I didn’t really stop thinking of C as a baby until she was past two, and I’m sure I will feel the same about W. I know that I am not supposed to say this, but I honestly do not understand how people manage to put children this age into full time daycare. I know that everyone does what they feel they have to do, but for me, the thought of it is so far outside what I would feel comfortable with as a mother that I just cannot even imagine doing it. Then again, I don’t think it is just his age, because even with C, who is closing in on four, I cannot imagine not being with her every day — although a break now and then wouldn’t be totally unwelcome!

Maybe in a few more years?

One Response to “One again!”

  1. I had to go back to work full-time when Rowan was only 11 months old… it was wrenchingly hard, even though she wasn’t even going into daycare, she was being looked after by Stirling and his parents. It was still horrible, and I had to stop sleeping with her because I couldn’t do my job on broken sleep, which was even more separation… but she was still my little girl, and somehow I never felt less close to her, I still knew her better than anyone and I was still the person she most wanted to be with.

    Some people – not all – are lucky enough to find really good daycare providers who bond with the babies and give them all the cuddles they want, and in those cases I think for the babies it is more like an extension of family rather than any sort of abandonment – they are, after all, still surrounded all day by people who care deeply about them. Not all daycares are like this, of course – but a good many are. It’s much, much harder on the mummies, but then again, a lot of women were raised to view childrearing and domestic duties as drudgery, and, too, a lot of women actually like their jobs and the satisfaction of earning money, which compensate to a large degree for not being around their babies all day.

    That having been said, I think that “drudgery” view of motherhood and domesticity is a powerful tool of the capitalist crap that’s wrecking the planet. But it doesn’t make the feelings of those trapped by it any less valid.

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