Raising a family (and doing everything else) in a multigenerational household
Well, if I were really on top of things I would have posted this earlier - this years’ Quintessence Breastfeeding Challenge is happening this weekend, Saturday, October 11 at SilverCity. But, since very few people read this anyway, I don’t think my failure to post about it will make much difference!
Posted on October 10th, 2008 by justine
Filed under: Interesting items | 1 Comment »
Twice a week we go swimming at our favourite pool. We get up early and leave the house around 7:15 am, which gets us to the pool at prime time, i.e. when very few other people are there!
Corey doesn’t always come, because he has meetings or other things he needs to do for work. But, he does make it on occasion. The last time we were there, Corey swims over to me and says, “I need a new bathing suit. I think I have had this one since I was 16!”
“OK,” I say. “Do you want me to try and pick one up for you? I need to buy one for myself, so I’ll be going to the swim shop anyway.”
“Well,” he says “sure, I guess.”
“No problem. What kind of bathing suit do you like?”
“What do you mean? I don’t want a Speedo!”
“No, no, no,” I say, “do you want long shorts, briefs, bike short type…?”
He thinks for a moment, looking very seriously, and then says to me, “Well, I really like these ones I have, because they have pockets.”
“Excuse me?”
“You know, pockets. I can put my keys in them.” He puts his hand into his pocket to demonstrate this functionality and takes the key out, wiggling it in the air briefly.
Well, from the look he gave me I must have had a funny look on my face. Then I just burst out laughing. “I’ve heard people ask a lot from a bathing suit, but I’ve never heard anyone list ‘pockets’ as a critical element.”
Pockets?!?!?! Needless to say, I still haven’t got him a new suit.
Posted on September 27th, 2008 by justine
Filed under: Say what? | No Comments »
When the B.C. government kindly sent us our $300 climate action dividend cheque we asked ourselves the same question everyone else in B.C. asked themselves: “should we use this to reduce our family’s carbon footprint, or just fill up our giant SUV with gas?”
As you know, we no longer have the giant SUV, so we decided to put the $300 to better use. We are now the proud owners of a Lee Valley reel mower and a very long retractable outdoor clothesline for our deck. We were going to buy these things anyway, so getting the money to do so was an added bonus.
I still don’t think the Liberals should have done this in the first place but since they did, at least we can say we put our money to good use. But, did you hear the latest? A whole bunch of people who did not qualify were mistakenly sent climate action dividend cheques (and I guess these honest folk cashed the cheques hoping the snafu would not be noticed). Not to worry says the government, it will be NO PROBLEM to collect the $2 million back.
Yeah right, and how much is THAT going to cost…more than a reel mower and a clothesline, or even a tank of gas for a giant SUV I bet.
Posted on September 14th, 2008 by justine
Filed under: Interesting items | No Comments »
The past year has been full of change, and particularly difficult for Corey - who himself admits is not a person who deals well with change. I asked Corey a few nights ago if he considered himself to be a spiritual person. He replied, as he usually does to this type of question - “what do you mean?” I do not believe that one must follow an organized religion to in order to be a spiritual person. But, one does have to actually work at it. Spirituality arises from engaging in a purposeful examination of the self and our relationship with others and the world around us.
Corey tells me that he was raised in a family that did not incorporate any spiritual aspect into its daily living. I think that this is unfortunate, because I find him to be a fundamentally spiritual and introspective person. Together we decided to start attending weekly classes in Tibetan Buddhism, which he said he finds interesting and helpful to him. Part of his renewed interest in pursuing Buddhism has been motivated I think by the difficulty he has had dealing with the death of his father. But, whatever the motivation, I think it is good for him, and he has arrived at a point in his life when he is ready to undertake this training, or, come to the dharma.
The other motivating factor for both of us in seeking formal training is that we have decided to raise Charlotte and Wolfe as Buddhists - which means starting them early in providing them with tools for mindfulness and self-examination (one of the cornerstones of this being meditation). Given Charlotte’s particularly emotional nature, I think this will be a great help to her throughout her life.
Is she too young to meditate? Granted, she won’t be able to sit mindfully for long, but consider this: if it is in this culture thought to be “developmentally appropriate” to put children into “time out” for one minute per year of age, why not have them practice mediation for that time instead? Certainly, in my view, this is a more positive practice than time out.
For the time being, Charlotte won’t be attending classes, but we will start laying the foundation for her in terms of coming to the dharma and learning to meditate or sit mindfully. Fortunately, both she and Wolfe will be surrounded by both a family and also a larger community of Buddhists, which will help provide them with a compassionate and supportive environment for spiritual learning.
And what about Wolfe? Well he is certainly too young to meditate formally, but I believe many babies have a meditative nature - he certainly seems to be one of them. Our teacher says that he believes that although babies do not understand the words, they take the dharma in their hearts. So for now, we bring Wolfe with us to our classes, and he attends peacefully, if not necessarily mindfully, and that is a great start.
Posted on September 12th, 2008 by justine
Filed under: Family | 1 Comment »
Well we finally took the plunge and bought and new (used) car. There is a part of me that says - hey, I want a nice car to drive around! But there is an equally large part that says - hey, I don’t want to own a car!! So I am torn.
Basically, I think cars are a waste of money, they are bad for the environment, and bad for our health. That being said, with two small children and two aging parents, and some recent trips to the hospital (NOT within walking distance and a LONG busride), we decided that a car was probably something we should have.
Our new car is a Mazda MPV, and I have to say, a huge step up from anything we have ever driven. I know that a lot of people refuse to drive minivans, but I personally have never understood why. They are great for moving people, groceries, and pets from A to B, and a necessity for a 6 person household. I guess I feel that my identity is so far removed from the car I drive that it just doesn’t matter to me. As far as my car is concerned, I am about reliability, convenience and good gas mileage, and that’s it.
Leather seats and a power sun/moonroof don’t hurt either:)
Posted on September 8th, 2008 by justine
Filed under: Family, I like that | No Comments »
Wolfie is getting bigger and bigger every day. Unlike his sister Charlotte at the same age, Wolfe is already smiling, and even starting to laugh - albeit in his sleep. I wonder what he is dreaming about that he finds so amusing? Since both kids are changing so much every day, I am glad that there are two grandparents in their lives who are so interested in them and want to be part of the fun. Like last night, for example…
Last night we went to the 40th birthday party for a dear friend whom I have known since grade 6. Not one to put on the same old boring fete, in honour of the occaision Diana recreated (to the best of her extensive ability) King Midas’ Funeral Feast. Well, she is an archaeologist after all.
Of course, Charlotte wanted to know who King Midas was, and after acquiring this information from Diana, spent a large portion of the evening telling the other guests all about him and just generally being delightful. Wolfie charmed the crowd with little smiles and then by falling asleep.
It really was a great evening, and I am so glad the whole family was together to enjoy it!
Posted on September 1st, 2008 by justine
Filed under: Family | No Comments »
What is the deal with comment spam? Does it ever actually work? Well, luckily the comments to this site are moderated, so you don’t have to answer that question. But, I am still left wondering…why?
Posted on August 31st, 2008 by justine
Filed under: Uncategorized | No Comments »
I read this quote by Ralph Waldo Emerson today and it made me think again about how the inability (or unwillingness) to communicate how we feel, and to read and respond to others, negatively affects our relationships, especially with our children.
I was raised in a family which values conversation and interaction. Yes, talking, talking, talking, all the time, about anything and everything. No one ever raised a hand and said “too much information,” because, in our family, there was no such thing. No one ever raised their eyebrows, or ignored what was being said, or just plain refused to acknowledge that anything had been said at all. Of course, as I have learned, not every family functions this way.
I feel that I am stating the obvious when I say that communication is important. However, it isn’t just verbal - we communicate through our actions more loudly than through our words. When our actions do not reflect what we say, then eventually, our words will be ignored. How does this affect our relationships? Our words become meaningless because our actions do not reflect what we have said. One cannot simply say that “family means a lot” but at the same time, not make any effort to spend both quality and quantity time with that family. It is dishonest to say we do not like someone when that person is not around, but then continue to act as if we do in front of that same person.
What are the consequences of this disconnect between words and actions with respect to our relationship with our children? Disastrous. Children who are young and still learning to communicate are left bereft of the proper tools with which to do so. They will see no need to engage in sincere and honest communication with us, because we have taught them that we do not truly value it ourselves. When these same children become adults, we should not be surprised if they still lack the ability to engage with us honestly, and to form a healthy adult relationship with their parents.
Like other children her age (and unlike many adults), Charlotte is very astute at reading non-verbal cues and in assessing whether words are supported by actions. However, she has no ability to understand the many reasons why someone would say one thing, yet do another. As such, I try very hard to make sure that I follow through on what I say to her, and also, that I pay close attention when she is speaking to me (not always an easy thing with a 3 year old who loves to talk constantly!) I do not want my actions to teach her to simply accept it if I say I will do something, but then do not follow through. What I want is for her to learn to hold others, and herself, accountable.
Until she learns to do this, it remains my responsibility to hold others accountable when this becomes necessary, and to speak out on her behalf. What I am learning is that this is not always popular with the person I have to deal with, but I am also learning that, when it comes to my children, I will absolutely stand my ground, regardless of the cost.
Posted on August 24th, 2008 by justine
Filed under: Family, Mothering | No Comments »
The drop-in playgroup that I normally take Charlotte to is not running for the month of August, so I signed her up for two weeks of daily swimming lessons at one of the local recreation centres. She has taken some preschool classes before, but none without a parent, and this class is supposed to be a “transitional class”, where the parents participate the first week, and then, all going well, the kids attend with just the instructor during the second week. All I can say is that, after 3 days, things are probably not going to play out that way. Why? Easy - Charlotte does not want to do the group activity, even when she is the only child in the group!
There are really a couple of problems here. First, is the instructor, who really does not seem to have either a plan or the ability to be flexible in picking an activity for the kids. I think it is just that she is not all that comfortable with little kids - she may be great with kids that are a bit older. Second, Charlotte doesn’t like to be told what to do and when - she just wants to do her own thing. Third, the instructor really does not do a good job of engaging with either Charlotte, or the other little girl in the class. Maybe this is related to what I have said above - the instructor may just not feel comfortable or know how to engage children of this age.
However, to be fair to Charlotte’s view of things, it also did not help that today the instructor kept calling Charlotte “Catherine” and tried to grab her arm in the pool to do an assisted float. This resulted in Charlotte trying to pull away, losing her footing and ultimately ending up under water. Not a good trust-building exercise. Charlotte refused to engage with the instructor for the rest of the class.
Now, if you are thinking that Charlotte is just going to have to learn to basically do what she is told to do by the instructor, let me just stop you right there. She is only 3 years old, so I don’t expect to be able to reason with her about this. In addition, why should she have to go along with the group if she does not want to? My view is that this just means group lessons are not for her, at least not right now. The reality is that she is comfortable in the water, and I don’t want to make it unpleasant for her by forcing her to go along with an activity that she is not keen on. Kids learn best if you just let them focus on the activity when they are ready and really want to do it. Forcing them does not teach them anything in the long run except to mistrust you and in all likelihood to dislike the activity you wanted them to participate in.
In any event, she is not learning anything in these lessons that I can’t teach her, and in fact, have been teaching her since she was a baby. That is, how to get in and out of the pool safely, getting comfortable in the water, getting her to blow bubbles, learning to float and kick and so on. So, after this session of swimming lessons is finished, I think I’ll just continue with what I have been doing and taking her to the pool myself rather than trying to get her to go along with any more “organized lessons”.
Posted on August 13th, 2008 by justine
Filed under: Mothering | 4 Comments »
I found this interesting article online about unschooling. Well, it is interesting if you are interested in unschooling…
Posted on August 4th, 2008 by justine
Filed under: Teach Your Own | No Comments »